PlaceInvaders TableTalk Newsletter // June 30, 2017

PlaceInvaders TableTalk Newsletter // June 30, 2017

Canned cocktails could revolutionize the way you sneak booze to outdoor spaces this summer and beyond

One half of team PlaceInvaders prides herself on her strong proficiency in smuggling alcoholic beverages into locations where it may not be entirely approved to do so. We’re not talking a can of beer in a paper bag on the bus, people. Elaborate beverage setups in parks, at concerts, on beaches, you name it. Cutwater Spirits, Ballast Point’s distillery arm, has a new line of booze cans that sound like a great way to level up that clandestine cocktail life. Thanks to Chicagoist for the run down of the current selections; we’ll take a sixer of Rum & Gingers (is Dark & Stormy trademarked?) for the Circle Line tour, thanks.

The academic cost of high school sports

The other half of team PlaceInvaders played three sports each year of high school. While not quite an indictment of the system, questioning whether a grandstand is worth a high school’s arts department for an entire decade is a downright reasonable thing to do. This preoccupation with tradition subjects many American kids to subpar educational experience in exchange for recreational activity. Kinda makes you wonder, “what if I was in school to learn?”

Tell the truth, now… what kind of porn do you prefer?

If you can tell us where the highest percentage of adult milking fetishists reside before you read this article, we can probably guess your nationality. Studies of search results for pornography are likely the most accurate indicators of our preference in gender, erotic fetishes, or any kind of sexual activity you might only be able to fully understand by searching urban dictionary for. 

The milkers are in India, BTW. Maybe it’s something to do with the sacred cows?

What the hell is an ICO and why you should hate them

If you’re reading this and you remember the IPO craze, you probably didn’t get in. Most IPOs were presold to institutions, hedge fund managers, and friends of the co-founders. Now, we’ve got what seems like a ‘democratized’ IPO system in the cryptocurrency space. If you’re thinking of buying in, be careful; they’re all In violation of the spirit (not the letter) of the Securities Act of 1933. Many of these instruments are well-meaning and ill-fated, some are not-so-obviously malicious, but of course, there are a few unicorns that will fly you to the ‘moon.’ Just don’t ever use that word if you want to sound like an intelligent speculator.

This touchscreen wine bottle solves...something?

Spending a lot of time in tasting rooms, we see loads of kooky little accessories and accoutrement aimed at the (perhaps already tipsy) wine drinker, but this is a first. Sure, there’s some opportunity in delivering wine education and personalized suggestions in new ways. This, I’m not so sure, is that. Interacting with your wine right from on bottle is kind of cool. though the food pairing suggestion feels a little out of order though. What do I so, open a bottle and then run to the store? For this to work, however, one would have to buy every single bottle via the Kuvee wine club. Making the dispenser just a marketing tool for the wine sales (ahem, JuicePress)? We’re confused, but it’s nothing a bottle or two of wine couldn’t fix, touchscreen or not.